Julia Child’s birthday was the other day (August 15th). Now I won’t say her “heavenly birthday” because I don’t know about all that, but I do know that she left this realm two fuckin days before her 92nd birthday back in 2004, so you know, happy birthday wherever you’re lurking, haunting, etc.

Julia haunts my kitchen I go. Our last move required a lot of prioritizing of what we were and were not going to bring with us, and this awesome mini-canvas of Julia absolutely made the cut.

And the bio I wrote on Julia – I think it’s in Volume II – is one of my favorites because, as with most of the women I write about, I may have heard of them, but I didn’t know A WHOLE HOST OF OTHER STUFF that wasn’t necessarily a topic of conversation on her iconic cooking shows.  

So yeah, since it was her birthday, I figured I’d try out a classic Julia Child recipe I hadn’t yet tried: Her Coq Au Vin.

This recipe stays true to her original with a few slight tweaks that others have chosen to make over the years for whatever reason. For example, I wasn’t going to boil the fucking bacon, and I didn’t have pearl onions available to me down here where I live in Central America. But the rest of the recipe is pretty fuckin spot on.

Coq Au Vin – in the style of Julia Child

Ingredients

• 3-4 chicken hindquarters OR 8 chicken thighs
• 1 ½ cups red wine
• 1 cup chicken stock
• ¼ cup brandy or cognac
• 4 strips thick-cut bacon (cut into ½ inch pieces)
• 1 teaspoon each sea salt and freshly ground (if possible) pepper (divided)
• 1 medium sweet yellow onion (quartered then thinly sliced)
• 4 medium carrots (cut into 1-inch piece)
• 6 cloves garlic (minced)
• 2 tablespoons tomato paste
• 2 teaspoons fresh thyme leaves (or 1 tsp dried I guess, but try to find fresh)
• 8 ounces white or brown button mushrooms (thickly sliced)
• Optional: 8 ounces pearl onions, peeled.
• Beurre manie (see below for options)

Instructions

Put the chicken pieces into a medium-sized bowl or deep baking dish, skin down.

Pour the wine, chicken stock, and the brandy or cognac over the top.

As an aside:
How perfect was this wine choice for a Julia recipe?

Quick note: One recipe I was reading said to avoid bold red wines, as they might overwhelm the dish. I used this Malbec because, well, a.) I like Malbec, and b.) The name, and I found it to be perfectly balanced. So, you know, do whatever.

Also, if you’re ridiculous and, for some fucking reason, you forget to add the liquor (brandy/cognac) here, you can add it later, it’s fine. But if you’re reading this, don’t forget.

Go ahead and chop your carrots, slice your onions, and mince your garlic if you haven’t yet. But seriously, see that pic above? It’s so nice when you have it all done ahead of time. It’s even better when you remember to put all your ingredients together for your mise en place (meez en ploss) so you don’t forget anything.

ANYWAY:

Grab a high-sided skillet or, if you have one, a Dutch Oven. I personally would prefer a Dutch Oven, but mine was given away when I left the states since it’s so fucking heavy, and I am currently having major regrets about this.

Dear Santa…

Next, turn a burner up to medium heat and toss the bacon that you cut into pieces into your skillet.

Cook, stirring every now and again until the bacon is crispy – about 8-10 minutes, until it looks like this:

Remove the crispy bacon from the pan with a slotted spoon and set aside on a plate or a bowl or directly on the counter, whatever.

Also? Make sure to hide this from anyone lurking in your kitchen because they will absolutely sneak pieces of it and leave you with too little. Maybe make extra, I dunno. Fuckers.

Remove the chicken from the wine marinade. Save the wine- but don’t fuckin drink it, it’s had raw chicken in it for godssakes – get different wine for drinking while you cook, please.

Dry the chicken well with paper towels, and season the chicken with ½ teaspoon each of salt and pepper.

Place the chicken in the pan, skin side down. If it doesn’t all fit to start out, work in batches. I had 3 hindquarters and it all “Tetrised” in there fine.

Sear the chicken on both sides until the skin side is golden, about 8-10 minutes total.

Remove the chicken, toss onto a plate or directly onto the counter with the bacon if you’re a maniac. This is a bad idea, though, just use a damn plate or baking dish or something.

Remove all but two tablespoons of the bacon/chicken oil from the pan. Set that oil aside to use later in the recipe. Don’t forget to do this like I did, but yeah, it’s not the end of the world if you do.

Toss the onions and the carrots into the pan, and sauté for around seven minutes or so until onion is softened and just starting to brown.

Add the garlic to the pan and sauté for another minute, being careful not to burn the garlic, because that would fuckin suck.

With your spoon or whatever implement of destruction you’re using to sauté this shit, nudge the contents of your pan over to the side.

Add the tomato paste and cook, stirring constantly until it begins to darken a bit.

Pour in the wine you were bathing your chicken in earlier – the wine you did not fuckin drink because come on, we’ve discussed this.

Add the remaining ½ teaspoon each of salt and pepper.

Bring this mixture to a boil. If there are any bits stuck to the bottom or side of the pan, scrape those up so they incorporate into your wine sauce, and boil for an additional 5 or 6 minutes.

Grab those chicken parts and toss them back into the pan, taking care situate them in the sauce.

Sprinkle the fresh thyme over the top.

I SAID SPRINKLE THE FRESH THYME OVER THE FUCKIN TOP.

IF YOU ARE USING DRIED THYME: Sprinkle directly into the sauce so it melds into the sauce better. It won’t be as pretty but it will add flavor to your sauce and that’s sort of the point.

Also? Yes, that’s a house hippo next to my stove.

Put a lid on your pan – or hey, if you lost your lid, which I totally get? You can set a cookie sheet over the skillet. YEAH! YOU CAN! IT’S YOUR COOKIE SHEET, YOU CAN DO WHAT YOU WANT! Sometimes I even grab another frying pan if it’s big enough. The world is on fire, there are no rules.

Turn the burner down to low and ignore for another 20 to 30 minutes.

Take about a tablespoon of your reserved bacon grease and put that into a separate large skillet.

Or, if you fucking forgot to reserve the oil LIKE I DID, GODDAMMIT, put some olive oil and butter into the skillet. It’s fine.

Add the thickly sliced mushrooms and sauté over medium-high heat until brown, about 10 to 12 minutes. I really like to get a good cook on the mushrooms – it brings out the nuttiness and the texture is just better this way.

OPTIONAL: I don’t have pearl onions available where I live, but if you do and want to fuck with it, this is where you add the pearl onions to the pan with the chicken. Cook for an additional 10 minutes.

In a small bowl, mix your choice of beurre manie.

WHAT THE FUCK IS BEURRE MANIE?

Ok, this is basically a thickening paste you make with equal parts butter and flour. It’s great because you incorporate the thickener (flour) into your butter or butter alternative, and as it melts, it distributes the flour to thicken your sauce without the risk if getting lumpy. I use this method for a lot of sauces.

If you need to keep this gluten-free: Use two tablespoons tapioca starch, chickpea flour, or whatever alternative flour you have on-hand instead of wheat flour.

If you need to avoid dairy: Get yourself some dairy-free margarine (some margarine ABSOLUTELY HAS dairy, so read your labels) or vegan butter.

Either remove the chicken from the pan again, or leave it in for this next part, that’s up to you and how much room you feel you have to work with, but once you figure that out, add the beurre manie to your sauce.

Simmer while stirring until the sauce thickens.

Season to taste with salt and pepper.

Check to make sure your carrots are cooked through – if they’re still a little crunchier than you’d like, let it simmer for a bit until they’re tender.

If you took the chicken out of the sauce (I do, especially since I LEFT MY DUTCH OVEN BEHIND), throw it back in there and top with the cooked bacon and mushrooms.

Sprinkle with a little more fresh thyme, if you have it, to make it look pretty.

Serve however you like, but for me, this absolutely requires mashed potatoes for all the reasons.

Oh, and we got a really nice loaf of sourdough at a bakery in the next town over, so we used that, with, as the birthday girl would ABSOLUTELY approve of….a metric fucktonne of butter.

Wilson thought he was getting some of this bread. He did not.

Ok yes he did, but that’s because he is a spoiled rotten nerdboy and I am unable to ignore his charms.

And I wrote “fucktonne” instead of “fuckton” for my French Canadian buddies. Even though it’s wrong.

BONE APE TIT.