Sometimes We Do Keto: What To Expect

So if you’re new to going hardcore Ketogenic or if you’re back after falling off the wagon and drinking allllllll the food pretty, eating your bodyweight in beer, garlic bread, and Nutella (just me?) and basically being an indiscriminate whore when it comes to what you’re putting into your mouth and your body in general, you know that week one can be rough.

Whether you’re addicted to booze or smokes or cocaine or sex or sugar or bread…the withdrawals are no fucking joke.

A friend of mine is such a sugar addict that she marches around angry as fuck feeling like a sadistic lumberjack is hitting her in the head repeatedly with his axe for the first few days after she ditches sugar.  And then….she’s fine.

Some people just get HANGRY AS EFF. Like the worst case of PMS on the planet coupled with nicotine withdrawals with the added benefit of being starving to fucking death 24/7.

Tom Selleck’s hangry daughter because why not?

I have experienced a little of both, but to a much lesser extent (thank god), but I do get a little obsessive.

For instance, I DREAMT about it the other night. I dreamt that I was running a marathon (that’s how you know it was a dream) and, at one point, we ran through an armory that had a Fat Shack in it, and I was all YAY, BURGERS! YAY, CORNDOGS! WOO! MILKSHAKES!  And I grabbed all the things and basically had an armload of geedunk and I was getting ready to walk away and I thought, no…NO I CANNOT DO THIS! And I put it all down and ran away.


So there’s that.

And, of course, when I’m suddenly not “allowed” to eat certain things, I want all the things. And that’s normal, and the only thing you can do is try to feed your cravings with super low-carb options and ride it out. You’ll get through the withdrawals and cravings just like any other junkie does, I promise. You will.

Feed those cravings, and stay full and busy. This will help. And, for that first week, I recommend not trying to stick to any particular ratio of protein to fat to whatever (except the carbs, don’t ignore the carb content…DO NOT.  You  need to stay at or below 20g at first and/or as long as you’re wanting to continue to burn fat).

Maybe after you wake up in a few days and go, oh hey…this has gotten a BUNCH easier, I’m barely even hungry now, and I get full quicker?  Then get a little more structured.

Ketogenic diets, as you know, are high in fat, adequate in protein and low in carbohydrates.  Generally, the macronutrient ratio varies within the following ranges:

  • 60-75% of calories from fat (or even more),
  • 15-30% of calories from protein, and
  • 5-10% of calories from carbs.

The exact amount of fat and protein is a matter of individual body responses and activity levels. However, most people on ketogenic diets don’t consume over 5% of calories from carbohydrates.

In most cases, you won’t need to count calories on a ketogenic diet. However, if you find it hard to lose weight or you are relatively fit and trying to lose a small amount of fat, you may also have to count calories.

This site HERE is a really great way to get yourself going on that adventure.

So yeah, long and short of it? The first week might suck a little.  Don’t put a bunch of pressure on yourself for the “right ratios” til your body stops being a dick.

And there’s a good chance that, even though you’re eating every low-carb thing on the planet while adjusting…

You’re gonna lose a few pounds.



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